Grief Sucks

I hide it pretty well but I have a lot of grief that I am trying to process.

Grief from my old life in PDX, grief from my former relationship and lost love, grief from painful decisions that I kept making to keep a dream alive. 

They say breakups can be worse than death; the person is still around.

And sometimes I miss him.

Towards the end of the relationship, there wasn’t much there. I was checking out with food and alcohol and a lot of cannabis. We would go out to eat together or he would cook something and that would be our way of relating. Or we would vent about work or something outrageous on social media. Or we would talk about Lou.

I feel relieved to be out of that relationship, but there are still things that I miss about it. 

That said, even though I am holding some extra stress in my body, particularly in my jaw, I feel lighter and freer than I have in a long time.

The grief is moving around my body. I’m going to start acupuncture on Friday and here’s hoping it moves it up and out. I’m ready to clear up some more space for all the new, good energy coming in.

I want the sadness and anger to go. I’m ready for it to go. I’m ready to dive into my new life here, healing, writing, spending time by the ocean and just getting to know myself again. 

I’ve been so tired. 

And I’m ready to let it go and embrace something new right in front of me. 


[Image found on Upworthy’s Instagram page]