I’m going to blog every day in the month of August. Why not? It’s not like I have anything better to do.
JK. I may be living by the beach, in a summer tourist town, but I’m busy in my own way. My head is full, there’s a lot going on and I have a ton of decisions to make.
Plus, my dog is getting surgery on Saturday so I will be hanging with her while she recovers. (It’s a hip issue that needs to be resolved, it’s supposedly a routine procedure and she’s young, so it’s recommended).
So, here we are in August.
The last time I wrote was in June. It’s been too long.
In between my last blog post and now, I reconciled with my best friend who I had not talked with for eight years because of a disagreement we had over my now ex. We started meeting up and fireworks started to happen and then my plans started to change accordingly … She’s butch and I’m femme and well, you know, it was like lightning struck and the world cracked wide open.
Still. It’s not that simple.
While fate and destiny are at play here, we are still here on earth, dealing with our human bodies and our shortcomings; our tempers and our temperaments. It’s challenging and beautiful and beautiful and challenging.
I know these things to be true:
- Love exists in many forms and can happen all at once.
- I just got out of a nine year relationship and I still have hella grief, over my old house, my old life, my old partner and just about how things went down. Do I want all of it back? NO. But does grief happen and pop up and show it’s face regularly (daily)? Yes. Yes, it does.
- Decisions made during mercury retrograde and when multiple planets are moving backward are sure to change (over and over again).
- I’m bored in Maine. I miss dispensaries. I miss cannabis parties and all the opportunities that were abound. I miss my friends and drinking IPAs at some random bar with weirdos and queers all around. I miss the light of dusk in PDX.
- Love is amazing. The universe provides. And it tests.
- I appreciate people’s input and advice on what I should be doing with my life and the only way that actually works is if I take that stuff in, distill it down and decide what makes sense for me.
- Sometimes the obvious and most sensible isn’t the way forward. Sometimes you have to go with the feeling and the unknown.
- I’m not doing enough personal writing. Most of my writing energy goes to my clients (grateful for them, BTW)
- That I want my own place – my own bed, my own plants, my own kitchen and my own art. With a backyard for Lou and in walking distance of some things I would enjoy. I want to stay there for a while and JUST CHILL THE FUCK OUT.
- That I have no idea what is coming next.
So with that, my sweet friends, I leave you. I’ll be back here tomorrow and the next day to check in and write about something; whether it be the multiple moods of the beach, my love life, grief, relationships, my dog or my Everybody Loves Raymond situation happening with my family.
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