This is what I’m telling people.
So, are you here now?
Sort of. It’s not clear yet.
Yeah. You know, I just separated from my long-term partner, so now I’m back to cool my heels, cleanse my palate so to speak.
OHHHHHHHHHHHH. (Nodding emphatically)
So what are you going to do?
If I knew that, I probably wouldn’t be here.
In the OOB, living in my parents’ cottage (graciously, with no mortgage).
At 42, I realize this could look bad. Or people may feel sorry for me, or be envious that I have a place to go where I can just chill the fuck out. Although I’d like to be settled into something, I feel pretty grateful to have a place near the beach (that has a different mood every day) and have my family around. We are getting to know each other again, as adults, and it’s pretty cool.
Is this forever? No.
It’s nice to be welcomed back to Maine. People have been great and sweet and supportive. I love reconnecting with people from my past lives. I find it healing and validating. I like visiting my favorite places and finding new ones. I’ve been spending a lot of time in Biddeford, which is south of the OOB, where I used to work for the Courier newspaper. Somebody told me, the Biddeford City Manager called Biddeford, Portland’s Brooklyn. Cute.
I’ve got more to say about Biddeford but that’s coming in another post.
All I know is that:
I’ve been writing more.
I’ve been exercising more (Dynamics Bootcamp in Scarborough is my place).
I’ve been drinking less (feels good going down, then after-effect makes me drowsy, bloated and like I want to pass out; I guess that’s pretty common).
I’ve been smoking less weed (I mean, you all know how much I love cannabis, but my consumption levels are less than nuanced, so I’m working on that).
I’ve been sleeping better.
I mean, I still want to eat an entire whoopie pie by myself in one sitting, but small adjustments over time people.
So, yeah I’m here for a reason. Long-term emotional and distressing situations take a toll on your body. And my body is no different. I’m pretty somatic and it’s apparent to me that my body needs to heal, as well as my heart and general being.
I’ve also discovered that I love gel manicures. Holy shit. Amazing. I am going to see what it does to my nails, but I feel like they are a game-changer.
I’m in the OOB, boo. It feels far from Portland, but that’s OK. I miss queers and babes and multiples of fun things to do every night, dispensaries on every block, the lush scenery, my friends and good IPAs, but that’s OK too. It feels important to have this time and space, to recalibrate and decide what’s next from a grounded and solid place.