14 KARAT LIVING
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Everyone’s an expert
December 15th, 2011 | Liz Gold
I’ve spent the last few days immersed in social media – Twitter, Facebook and a little bit of LinkedIn – more so than usual, and today, with my head swimming with images and headlines and stories, I had to lie on my couch and get really really quiet. I didn’t fall asleep. I meditated and I have to say it was after an hour when I came to. (This is one of the great things about having a home-based business).
I had to get quiet. I had to turn it all off. I like social media and what it does, it’s the frontier we’re all trying to stay pace on, or at least those of us who care about being plugged in and engaged. But man. It’s a lot.
One of the things I have been noticing is that everyone is an expert. I am a new business owner – yes I freelance and yes I work with clients on helping them find their voice and their writing and editing needs. This is what I do now. That’s not to say it won’t change in the future. I created a media company with the intention of creating some media. AND, I need some help. Business advice. While I spent four years writing about accountants and their business practices, do you think I knew the first thing about creating an LLC and preparing to pay business taxes? Or setting rates? Or how to deal with clients? Nope. So I look to the Internet (and well, I hired a coach, which did help) … and everyone is a friggin’ expert, with a marketing scheme and a smooth as a baby bottom’s website and branding and frankly, I find it all a bit exhausting.
That’s not to say I don’t appreciate options and choice and that each one of those experts, consultants, coaches, marketing gurus, small biz operators have their own thing going. But with all this information how can you actually hear what you are saying? Sure these people are here to help you hear your vision and mission and make your dreams come true. And help you with offerings you may not have the skill to handle yourself and this is all very helpful and wonderful and easy given the world of social media. But sometimes I think we forget that a lot of the answers lie within. That a lot of the answers can be found by spending some time away from the thick of it all, that if we can just breath and get clear and get a little quiet, what we are seeking may emerge.
Taking the plunge
December 13th, 2011 | Liz Gold
I finally created a Facebook page for Rhino Girl Media and went live with it!
I have been basically not dealing with social media for RGM because my professional and personal life is pretty disjointed. Many of the clients I’ve had this year work in a conservative industry. And well, as you probably have all guessed by now, I’m not super conservative – for a variety of reasons. So I had my accounting people on LinkedIn and Twitter (a few on Facebook, but not many) and my friends on my personal page on Facebook.
But you know, that little voice inside was like, you gotta bring it together. You’ll always feel torn and not authentic unless you are able to bring all of you to the table, for everyone.
So I created the Facebook page at the end of October but still could not bring myself to push the publish button. What if my queerness alienates clients? This was my biggest fear. But you know, if a client chooses not to work with me because of who I am, well then, we’re not a good match anyway.
I read this December horoscope from Eric Francis and printed it out to put it on my desk (and if you’re a Taurus, too, maybe this relates to you in some way):
“The time has arrived to tighten up your act. I mean, your whole act – there is no point in practicing your singing if you don’t also work on your dancing. The issue may manifest initially as a desire to get your financial life in order. That’s a kind of ruse. What you’re waking up to is that you have two separate value systems that are in conflict with one another, and it’s time to make some choices. It could be something as simple as the conflicting belief pattern that on the one hand believes that you want more money, while simultaneously thinking that money is evil, or that people who have money are evil. Both of those beliefs cannot be together in the same room, and you may have a few of those. While you’re working that one out, there is something unusually powerful in your chart right now that describes putting your whole identity into whatever you do creatively. Your creative process is not about choosing one thing at the expense of others, but rather about an ethic or method whereby you put your whole self and all of your talent into everything that you do. Again the theme is about getting away from the sense of having a divided character, which is the sensation of any one part of your life competing with any part of your life. You are one person, experiencing one whole experience. Experiencing this potential may seem daunting, though it’s simply a fact.”
Uh yeah. It’s a little around the way, but you catch my drift. It’s been a struggle. What’s my goal with all this and what does it even matter? Well, I want the folks who support me on LinkedIn and Twitter, who are in the big bad professional world to feel welcome to join me over on Facebook, which is a much more personal platform. And I don’t want a homogenized follower base either, I want people from different walks of life, engaged in conversation and talking about business and social topics.
I heard somewhere that content curating is the new journalism. I’m excited to find out first hand how this will play out.
Join me, won’t you? www.facebook.com/rhinogirlmedia
Gratitude v. 2011
December 8th, 2011 | Liz Gold
I’m not feeling particularly gratitude-y today, but I’m sitting in this restaurant and thinking today is as good as time as any to write my gratitude list for this year.
It’s been a pretty hefty year. I left my job, started a business, traveled internationally for the first time, started martial arts and feel as though I have started to build a community here in New York.
So without further ado:
- I am grateful for the ability to pay my bills and rent, on time, as I launch this freelance business.
- I’m grateful for two really great guys in my life, who enrich me in a lot of ways and love me.
- I’m grateful for my really cute studio that is in a really great neighborhood, super close to the park.
- I’m grateful to have found my karate dojo, a school that is dedicated to anti-violence education. A school that is queer and feminist and activist.
- I’m grateful for the clients who believed in me enough to help me start my business and have given me feedback along the way.
- I’m grateful that even though I have been scared, that I am now realizing how important it is to be out in my professional life and am letting myself be more authentic in how I walk through the world.
- I’m grateful for the improved relationship I have with my parents and brother.
- I’m grateful that there were so many clothing swaps to go to this year!
- I’m grateful for having the resources to travel and see new parts of the country with someone I love dearly.
- I’m grateful that my body is in pretty decent shape and that I seem to be in touch with it most of the time.
- I’m grateful for all the art, film and music I’ve seen and experienced over the past year.
- I’m grateful for the ability to let go of relationships that no longer serve me.
- I’m grateful that I seem to be getting my writing voice back and my creative energy is finding it’s way back to me after a long state of complacency working in a corporate environment.
- I’m grateful for fear because it propels me to new places.
- I’m grateful that I am learning how to listen better and that I don’t always have to be right.
- I’m grateful for love in all it’s forms.
Here’s to 2012!
Meet Marye Lobb
December 6th, 2011 | Liz Gold
New York City is a creative hub for artists trying to make their way and live the dream. Every once in a while you meet someone who sticks out – not for being outlandish or different, but for being themselves and doing what they love.
I met Marye Lobb a year or so ago at an art opening at the Leslie/Lohman Museum of Gay and Lesbian Art (well, I actually met her friend first, and then was introduced to her). We stayed connected and as time has now proven we came together to collaborate – her sharing her music and me interviewing and writing about her.
Marye is an international singer-songwriter who fuses her influences of South American music and Buddhist and Quaker ideals into a folk, Bossa Nova, poetic mix of personal growth and passion.
Born in the Midwest and raised in Rochester, NY, Marye has traveled far for her 29 years having been to Ireland, Norway, Brazil, Argentina and Chile. She put herself through school at the Berklee College of Music in Boston and upon graduating released her first album in 2008, “Finding Home,” which reflects her journeys abroad.
With her home base in New York City, Marye spends her time teaching music, writing and performing and now, finishing up her second album, which is at the time of this posting, unnamed.
“My guitar and I have been making songs about love, sexuality, the state of the world, establishing one’s sense of self,” she wrote on her Indiegogo website.
Marye has played at La Zarza a restaurant in the East Village, Sullivan Hall, the French Institute in Midtown, Nuyorican Poets Café and Arlene’s Grocery, just to name a few.
I caught up with Marye in Chelsea’s Moonstruck Diner after a shift at her day job. Here she talks about her process as an artist and how she found her home in Bossa Nova music.
We just finished recording. We are going to start mixing.
Are you involved in that process?
Yeah. I like to be involved in everything. I will be giving notes for editing and giving my two cents for the mixing process.
How many instruments are on the album?
I play guitar and sing and did all the harmonies. We had a bass player who also plays accordian and then a cello player. She was amazing and is from Vancouver- Marie Kim. Jorge Saenz plays bass and accordion and is also co-producing the album. Carmen Estevez plays cajon, a percussion instrument. I didn’t use a drum set, I used Latin percussion. I don’t really care for a full drum set. She is from Spain and is a character and a half. Amon is the recording and mixing engineer and plays congas. And then Raymond Sinsay, he plays guitar, mandolin and also sang. Jorge and I have been friends for seven years and we went to school together. I met Carmen through a guitar player I used to play with.
How did the recording go?
Every day I got up to go to the studio I was almost in tears of how thankful and joyful I was, just so happy. I was like dreaming (laughs). It was so fun.
How long did the process take?
It was five different sessions and they were four hours each. The first one we did seven songs and that was just me and my guitar. We did it pretty much live, I guess we did half the album live. For my last album and most albums today, people lay down the drums and the bass and the piano and the guitar and then the vocals, which makes it flawless, but back in the old days they just got in the studio and recorded together. I recorded my voice and guitar together. In the second session, we did three of my songs and two of my songs Ray and I did together. Then in the third session we did bass and we did the accordion and then we did the cajon on the fourth and then the background session and congas the last session. Mixing will take, like, 20 hours.
What happens after mixing is done?
Then it goes on to be mastered, which is another techie engineering thing. People refer to it as putting the cake into the oven.
Did you go through the same process for ‘Finding Home’?
Yes.
When do you think the album will be released?
I’m hoping at the end of the month. Just in time for Christmas. I’m also working with a friend of mine who is doing the graphic design [for the CD case] and my friend, Alexandra Meske, took a bunch of photos over the summer and we’re using those.
Did you fundraise the entire album?
I saved a lot of the money personally and then raised $1,300. It’s exciting.
When you are done, how are you going to market? You are planning to tour, right?
Yeah and I hope to also get the word out online. And from the tour do videos and post them on YouTube and create a digital experience. I’m just trying to get my name out there as much as I can.
How did you decide where you are going to go? Is it because you know people?
Yes. I will drive to North Carolina and then I will take a bus to Washington D.C. and then fly to L.A. and then fly to Seattle. All those places I have people. This is my first real tour, I did some touring in South America in 2008 when I finished my first album. I want to set it up so it’s a success. I’m in the process of booking, which I am doing independently. At this stage in the game it feels like connecting with everyone I know and networks I know and just having them come out and have fans emerge. In Rochester this woman who came to my release party in 2008 brought her friend who is this huge fan and wrote me the sweetest e-mail afterwards. That’s when you really start to feel like your career is going somewhere. It obviously touched her on a personal level and that is the most rewarding thing.
That’s exciting.
There’s so much to be grateful for and it’s so easy to forget that sometimes.
In terms of the album, I know your first album was about your travels and this one is more about your life as an artist in NYC.
It is. It’s definitely from 2008 to present day. It’s a lot about growing. I feel like there’s been a lot of growth.
Emotionally, how would you say it’s different from your other album?
I would think that it’s stronger. I think that my friend put it really well – he was like in the first one I was assimilating to living in all these different cultures and I just learned how to survive, feeling at home in different cities of the world. This one is more like I found home is within myself. That’s not at war … The lyric is ‘I’m not at war with myself anymore.’ I don’t need someone else to tell me how to live my life or a different culture to live my life this is how I feel comfortable and how I want to live. And being comfortable being an artist which isn’t a standard profession or with sexuality or being a woman or being really ambitious about a career.
How many songs are on the album?
We recorded 12, I think all of them will make it.
Do you like being an independent artist or would you like to be signed to a record label and have someone promote you?
I think it’s hard to say because I’ve been independent the whole time. I love that I have complete control of everything and those are all my decisions and if I am going to ask someone’s opinions I know who that person is and I know their background. I don’t know how it would be if someone said I need you to do XYZ that sounds like this. I don’t know if I could do that. But I think I’m a good candidate for a management company because I’ve done it all myself and I know what it takes to book things and it would be nice to have someone do booking. I don’t know if I’d want a label because I think they are becoming obsolete and I think the industry isn’t so up to date with technology and how people are interacting with media right now. I’m not sure a label is the right way to go. But a management company that is doing booking, yeah, that would be great because I would love to just hit the road right now. Just go on tour and get out there and connect with people – like the woman from Rochester.
I am so happy to go in the studio and do my thing it’s kind of two fold, but the other half of that is having the art be for someone else. I’ve learned so much from writing these songs I have to write them – it is like breathing – but the other half is like I really hope other people can learn from this, I hope it can help them in their life. Because it’s helped me in my life.
Can you tell us about the songs?
The first one is a little ditty – like a two-minute track. ‘Don’t let go of your feelings they are all we have in the end. If you have thoughts that burn your eyes to see them your heart will soon make amends. With those stories your mouth can’t open to tell, we have learned our lessons here its time to say farewell.’
Is that related to matters of the heart?
That was so painful and that was kind of, you know, when you think someone is just so awful to you and I don’t want to write about you because you don’t deserve it. But it was from that experience. I played it for my brother and he said this is about growing up.
So tell me about the places you’ve traveled.
I moved to Chile when I was 19. And I lived there for a year. I learned Spanish there. I was on a travel visa so I would hitchhike to the border and go to Argentina all the time. Then in 2008 when I released the album I went back to Chile to visit my friends … I wanted to go to Brazil because I was obsessed with Brazilian music and I didn’t know why. I was doing all these Brazilian rhythms without even thinking about it. I wanted to go. So I went for a month and went to language school and then went out and listened to music every single night. I guess I speak Portuguese now I don’t feel as comfortable as I do with Portuguese as I do with Spanish but there is a little bit of Portuguese on the second album. Then when I was at music school I studied in Athens at a small conservatory there – I was there for four months.
What influences you? What types of music or musicians?
Definitely growing up it was Tori Amos, Ani DiFranco and Radiohead. My brother was big into Guns N Roses and Nirvana so that was cool. Then after moving to Chile everything changed completely, I heard so much music that I never been exposed to during my whole entire life. There is this folk singer, Violeta Parra – she’s called the Bob Dylan of South America which is kind of bizarre to me – she is a huge staple in Chilean culture, she wrote so many songs that are sung by various artists all over South America. That’s when I learned guitar when I was in Chili and some of the first songs I learned is her music. She’s a folk artist, very lyric driven, she sang in protest of her dictatorship. She was amazing. She had a huge influence. Mercedes Sosa is from Argentina and sang a lot of her songs. She has a very, very soulful voice. I’ve listened to a lot of her.
Then I got hooked on Brazilian music in school and listen to a lot of Bossa Nova and was enamored by that sound. The whole thing is like three different people created this whole style of music. One was Vinicius de Moraes, a lyricist who wrote all these poems, then this other guy Antonio Carlos Jobim was this incredible composer, musical genius, who wrote all these songs but then there was this really cranky guitar player João Gilberto, I saw him play at Carnegie Hall and he was amazing and he took the songs that weren’t really catching on and played guitar really really softly and sung the song like he was whispering and it was instantly a big hit. Then this jazz musician Stan Getz, a saxophone player, started playing that music and that’s how it came to the U.S. in the 70s. The point is it’s very quiet, soft and when I started hearing that I felt like I had a place. I think a lot of times singers are so big and loud. I can be but I don’t want to be most of the time. I felt at home in that music.
I just started listening to Regina Spektor and she has helped give me that freedom because she can go out there and really take a lot of risks but it sounds so fucking cool. She’s so modern and hip and everyone loves her and she puts on such a good show. I think that helped me relax a little more, too. I love her lyrics and she’s a ridiculous piano player.
What have been some of your favorite times on stage?
The Zinc Bar, a jazz club in the West Village, which was with a full band. That was definitely really fun. It was an hour and a half set and we played straight through. It was a sexy little lounge, a great venue.
So where do you want to go? What defines success for you?
I want to go where the music takes me. I don’t know where I want to go. I just want to do it everyday and I want it to be honest. I just want to keep talking about the life experience being a human.
Listen to a track off her first album, “Finding Home.”
Loving Lava
December 4th, 2011 | Liz Gold
Last night I went to Dixon Place and saw Lava’s latest installment ‘Atlas.’ If you need proof that the human body can do miraculous and beautiful things, look no further.
Dubbed NYC’s Laboratory for Performance, Dixon Place itself is a treat to experience. They are dedicated to supporting the creative process by presenting original works of theater, dance and literature at various stages of development.
The Lava troupe is amazing – since 2000 they have “become known for an explosive choreographic language incorporating elements of acrobatics, trapeze, social dance, wrestling and other forms, and for pushing the accepted boundaries of dance, gravity, and the female form.”
Last year I saw ‘Lava: Loving and Daring’ and the show was just as compelling as this one, if not a bit lighter in vibe. ‘Atlas’ proves to be somewhat more somber perhaps a reflection of the times. What I don’t remember from last time is the singing.
Honestly, I don’t have the ability to articulate what I saw. All I know is there is a tremendous amount of trust and intimacy between members and their bodies are firm and contorted in ways that made their muscles visibly shake. Their faces never veered from being in control and their movements dictated the energy and mood of the audience.
“In creating ‘Atlas’, we started with the idea of an atlas being a reference source that tells you where you are and where you’ve been and perhaps where you will go,” said Sarah East Johnson, the director of the show. “We looked internally and externally at navigation, location and orientation.”
With music by DJ Tikka Masala and Mamie Minch (looking amazing in a sparkly evening gown with her leg tattoos), this show is a must see. It’s on until Dec. 11. Check it out.
A bit about style sentimentality
December 3rd, 2011 | Liz Gold
Most of us have clothing we could never part with. Clothing that helps us remember; clothing that holds sentimental value, clothing that brings us comfort when worn.
A recent off-Broadway play explores this concept. In Love, Loss & What I Wore, a rotating cast performs a collection of intimate stories by mother-daughter team Nora and Delia Ephron about our complex relationship with clothing. From the coordinated outfits we saw our grandmothers wear while washing the dishes to our wedding dress to our very first bra, for many of us, clothing has meaning and triggers memories, whether we want to remember or not.
How many of us have articles of clothing in our wardrobe that we can’t toss away? Maybe it’s a cashmere sweater we wore on a date with a long lost lover, or jeans that made us feel so good but don’t fit anymore, or a fur coat our now ex-husband bought us on our anniversary. With each piece comes memory and we can more easily remember when we have tangible proof.
Clothing has always classified us; whether we choose Calvin Klein or Brooks Brothers, Frye boots or Christian Louboutins, our style communicates our place and perspective in the world. And the items we hold onto punctuate that perspective. Our closet can be our work of our art, our photo album, and our collection of experiences that make us who we are.
My aunt, in her 70s, still has clothing her mother (my grandmother) gave her. She has closets and closets (and yet more closets) of clothing but she still holds onto the department store silk blouse her mother gave her years ago. I admit I’m the same way – even though my style varies very differently from my mother’s (I’m vintage bohemian and my mother is more turtle neck sweaters a la Liz Claiborne) I have a hard time tossing her gifts to me. A family trait handed down? I like to think it’s more universal.
But when does holding onto clothing become a reminder of past pain and prevent one from moving on? I have an estranged friend who used to buy me clothing and while she may have been a bit off in perceiving my style with gifts of costume jewelry – I still have mostly every piece – even though we no longer speak. Whenever I pass the vintage navy blue T-shirt in my drawer, I think about wearing it – no, too close to home. I think about throwing it in a bag for Goodwill – no, not ready yet. Is the clothing we keep evidence of how we feel about a certain person? In my case does it show a reluctance to accept the end of my friendship or a hope for a reunion?
What about the daughter who goes through her mother’s closet after her death, recognizing the dress that was worn to her son’s Bar Mitzvah and the flats that she herself would never wear but suddenly look more beautiful than ever?
What about every single reality makeover show on television today? The woman who works too much and doesn’t have time to wear anything but sweatpants, the woman who can’t afford a suit for an interview with three kids to support, the woman who just needs a change and is treated to one. New clothing gives us a new start and it always seems if we can just part with the clothing of our past, then a new beginning is within our grasp. A new beginning often points to the concept of a new identity. Clothes can catapult us to that new desired place.
And then there’s the hefty issue of body image that is held within our closets. Who wants to get rid of those size 6 pants when we are comfortably wearing a size 10? Does having those skinny jeans around make us feel like a failure at willpower, at a diet, at keeping ourselves tucked into that former body size? Or do they bring us a reminder of what we can accomplish when we put our minds to it? Or a lack of acceptance of whom we’ve grown to be? Whatever the reason behind having a closet peppered with clothing we can’t wear anymore, the question remains: why not get rid of what does not fit to allow ourselves to be here today in the present moment?
Regardless of how we feel about clothing – whether it’s home made or store bought, it truly is a way to map our existence. We often remember the important events in our lives by who was in our presence, how we felt, where it was, and what we were wearing. And while this may not be true for everyone, it’s true for those of us who understand the sentimentality and connection wearing something on our skin can bring.
The mash up of Mix 24
November 20th, 2011 | Liz Gold
Who knew there has been a New York Queer Experimental Film Festival for the last 24 years? Certainly not me. But I found out this year and headed to the Mix Factory over at 45 Bleecker Street on the second to last day for the 10PM screening. And man, oh man. These films are experimental. I had no idea how much I was going to be in for it.

Mix 24 Executive Director Stephen Kent Jusick gets flirty with the crowd looking cute in a futuristic glittery outfit. At far left is Christopher Westfall, director of Forbidden Cigarette.
The festival trailer was done by Gina Carducci, and he filmed it in a bathroom of a friend of mine. It brought to mind a very new definition of fisting and ejaculation for me. Mind you the only body parts involved were well, a fist (gloved at that) and a film cannister (or coffee cannister? pretty sure it was a film cannister). Anyhoo, creative and entertaining nonetheless.
So let me give you the run down of “Don’t Stop” the theme of the program tonight. “Defying both genre and traditional form, this program showcases work that explores many of insatiable queer sexuality.” And yes it did.
- Lesbian Hand Gestures by Coral Short & Mascha Nehls
- The Naked-Boy Business Part 2 by Andre Hereford
- Feti(sh)ame by Kevin Simmonds
- Raped Carrot Porn by Urban Porn
- Little White Cloud That Cried by Guy Maddin
- Harigata: The Alien Dildo That Turned Women Into Sex-Hungry Lesbos by Szu Burgess
- Aquarius by Jody Jock
- Gezacktes Rinnsal Schleicht Sich Schamlos Schenkelnassend An (Zig-Zag Streamlet Sneaking in Shamelessly Thigh-Wetting by Ursula Purrer, A. Hans Scheirl
- Forbidden Cigaratte by Christopher Westfall
- Robottom by Stephen Kent Jusick
So my favorite by far was Forbidden Cigarette which is described as “a man recalls a memorable hookup while sitting naked and having a cigarette at his hotel room window.” It was sexy.
I also liked Aquarius, which was about a young man using magick to manifest the love he desires and Feti(Sh)ame, which is adaptation from a book of poems based on interviews with gay men discussing their fetishes and connections to shame.
Then after, there was a party in a room decorated like a vagina. I would not have probably know this on my own but I was thankfully told by the cute gay boy working the door. So friendly he was!


